Pandagators – The long joke I promised you.

So, the Pandagator joke takes a good long while to unwind, and no pictures, so relax and sit back. Several years ago, we had an “Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow, whether you like it or not” panel at Dragon Con. For those of you who have never been…why are you reading this? … it is a lot of fun. If anyone has pictures, I’ll post them, but I don’t have any at work.

First, imagine down at the bottom of the hill of Dragon Con, 2pm on Saturday in the Hilton Atlanta, downstairs in the Crystal Ballroom, 600 people in the audience, four guy up on stage. There was a range of personalities on the stage, but I was the regular, Dr. DNA was a regular, everyone else was there for a few years. We had a flock of assistants in lab coats making ice cream with liquid nitrogen, my big DOOM Box in the corner, flashing sparks and smoking lightly, JonnyX and his cattle prod. People screaming. It was a hell of a show.

On that year, we had a PhD Neuroscience guy (Evil Brain), a PhD Bio Chemist (Dr. DNA), a PhD Physicist (Evil G), and a Nuclear Engineer of no particular merit. (Me). Pardon me if I don’t get everyone’s degrees right, I can never remember my own, much less everyone else’s. Just remember that they’re much smarter than me. The fun of an hour variety show was that we each had a time slot where we took over the panel, did a few power point charts, some comments, a joke or two.

Well, to get to the joke, we had talked the previous year about “evil plots to take over the earth.” My plot, I think, involved black holes. Evil G was using a beam of charm quarks directed at your hometown.

“If the effects are good, send me money, I’ll keep it up. If the effects are bad, send me money, I’ll quit. If you’re not sure, I’d advise sending me money anyway, as it couldn’t hurt.”

So, for his presentation, Evil G brought it up again. He had a slide show for this year’s work.

“SO, Last year I talked to you about taking over the world using a beam of Charm quarks. I have since decided that using physics to take over the world is too hard. I’m using something easy this year, DNA Splicing.”

The two guys with PhD’s in biology, head desk simultaneously. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. I wish I had his power point. It had a variety of predators made by sticking together pictures of animals. an example is the EEL gle – an eel head with eagle body. The Apex Ambush Predator was the Panda Gator – Looks innocent from the bush, but when it jumps you, its got a big bite.

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